Recent Entries
Oct 31, 2011 Sports
First of all, this article isn’t meant to memorialize Mr Tebow as if he were gone. Too many experts have already declared that his time as a quarterback is drawing to a close. Even coach Fox will only commit to one more week with Timmy as the QB. Rather, I’m going to remind everyone who it is that everyone claims can’t throw the ball.
Tim Tebow was drafted #25 in the 2010 NFL Draft. He was drafted TWENTY FOUR spots after the number one overall pick, Sam Bradford. Yes that’s the same Sam Bradford who doesn’t have a single win this year as quarterback. He’s started 7 games on a team with a solid running back, and yet he has no wins. Not a one as QB. In fact, the Rams finally won a game this week when he didn’t play. Yet, Tim Tebow, taken at the tail end of the first round and 1-1 as a starter this year, is the only young quarterback the media obsesses over. Why isn’t he doing better?!?
I’ll tell you why he isn’t doing better: He’s on a terrible team, with a coach who has no idea how to use him. My beloved Broncos were the 2nd worst team in the league last year, yet the expectations are that Tebow should win every game, even though they’re playing the 4th most difficult schedule in the league (based on early figures). He’s already won as many games as Orton did, yet he’s playing in a system that doesn’t match his skill set.
Let’s look at the Detroit Lions game for example. Tebow had his greatest successes on the first drive, and in the final couple drives. This is where Fox actually did what he said he was going to do and played Tebow in a spread offense. What happened for the rest of the game? Well, they lined him up under center and became the most predictable team in the league. Even though the Lions stacked the box with 7 and 8 defenders, the Broncos ran on first down nearly every play then usually followed that with another run or a QB sneak. It’s the perfect offense to run if you’re gameplan is to put your QB into 3rd and long situations, then to complain that he’s always in 3rd and long situations.
Anyway, now that the world is convinced that Tim Tebow can’t throw the ball, I’d like to remind you who Tim Tebow is: He’s the first underclassman to ever win the Heisman Trophy in college. In that season, as a sophomore, he threw for over 3200 passing yards! He had 32 passing touchdowns that season! That’s over 600 more passing yards than Cam Newton had in his amazing Heisman season. Tebow had 12 more passing touchdowns than Newton did. He threw fo 50 yards a game more than Newton. And now we’re all convinced that Cam Newton can be an NFL quarterback, but Tebow doesn’t have a chance. Make him a tight end, they say.
The biggest difference between Newton and Tebow right now is that the Carolina Panthers have completely bought into the talents of their quarterback. The Broncos are afraid to commit. I’m not convinced they want him to succeed at all. It’s a shame too, because Tim Tebow could be a special player. Even though I live in Florida, I was never a Tebow fan while he was in college. But now that I’ve seen him Denver, I’ve bought in. I just wish the Denver Broncos coaching staff would do the same.
Oct 1, 2011 Reviews, Uncategorized
Now that our daughter Kenley has turned one, we decided it was time to play outside with some bubbles! We have wonderful memories of those messy bottles where you have to fish out the tiny stick, then gently blow across it to create a wonderful assortment of bubbles. We want our daughter to have these memories too!
So off we went to Target to track down what has to be a common element to everyone’s childhood (along with play-doh and silly putty). What we found wasn’t the traditional inexpensive bottle of memories we were looking for. Rather, we found three dollar bottles of colored bubbles, made by Crayola. ”Sure, why not?” we thought. ”Let’s grab the pink bottle and give it a try!” So we did.
All I can say is STAY CLEAR! The first sign that we might be getting more than we bargained for was the giant “Washable” text written across the bottle. Why do I care if my gentle colored bubbles are washable? We’re not using these indoors. We’ll chase em down and pop em in the great outdoors.
Well, let me tell you why these are washable: Making contact with one of these bubbles will leave you wondering if a paintball sniper is stalking you. The picture below shows what happened when one tiny bubble hit my hand. (Sorry for the quality of the photo – Droid Does?) I’m so glad we saw this before letting Kenley go crazy catching and popping these things. Our neighbors would have likely called the police as my poor beautiful daughter would have resembled Carrie walking home from the prom.
After scrubbing with soap, most of the red stains on my hand were gone. I suppose their claim that these bubbles are washable is true, but I can’t for one second imagine who is using these bubbles and for what purpose. There’s a reason these bottles of bad ideas are stored on the bottom shelf of the party supply isle.
For the parents out there who are considering buying these for your kids, pick up instead a cheap bottle of food coloring and let them play with that. You’ll get the exact same result, but as least you’ll know what you’re signing up for. Crayola should be ashamed of themselves. What a horrible horrible product.
This father gives Crayola Colored Bubbles: 0 out of 5
I’ll always remember when you could play with bubbles without looking like you were fleeing a crime scene.
Sep 25, 2011 TV
Here we are once again at the start of a new television season. Every September the networks march out the
prized additions to their new lineups (to great fanfare). And they always seem so promising – each boasting Hollywood actors and actresses, oftentimes with well renowned writers or producers. Every year I get excited that finally we’re going to get a new show worthy of watching… but every year it ends the same.
I’m notoriously harsh on new shows. I’ll admit it – I barely give them a chance. The problem is that I’ve been burned too many times! We’ve all been there. You find a new show that seems interesting then follow it for 4 or 5 weeks, only to have it cancelled right from under you. You’ll never know how the show ends because it was never given a chance to finish. Jericho and Kings are recent examples for me… the list goes on. So now I’ve learned to protect myself. If I feel a show isn’t going to make it a full season, then I’m out of there. And for the past few seasons, my record is pretty strong.
First of all, you have to know that the major networks are very jumpy when it comes to ratings. If they feel a show is under-performing, or maybe a show loses a large percentage of the wrong demographic from its lead-in, that show is going to be moved to a new night, so they can murder it without anyone knowing. We know what you’re doing network executives!! We’re on to you, and we’re not going to take it! (Except we will, because what else can we do?)
I thought it might be fun to list the new shows I’ve watched so far, sorted by how well I think they’re going to do. I’ll continue posting as I drop or add new shows. We live in an era of on-demand entertainment that allows me to catch up on anything I’ve missed. So here goes:
The Good
- Person of Interest – I was a little annoyed with the way it slowly revealed its setup, but this one feels very much like Minority Report meets Enemy of the State. As a huge fan of both, it was right up my alley. It’s good to see Jim Caviezel back in front of the camera, and I was a huge fan of Michael Emerson on Lost. I was also glad to see Natalie Zea from Justified, but I have no idea if she’s a recurring character (likely not). With 13.2 million viewers, Person of Interest won it’s time slot and seems to be off to a good start. It’ll be interesting to see how many come back.
- Revenge - Now this one was interesting! It offered SO much more than I had expected. Emily VanCamp is perfect in her role, and I can’t wait to see how her multi-layered revenge plot plays out. I’m a huge fan of serialized television, and I’m very much looking forward to the next episode. Get this, Revenge beat CSI in adults 18-49. Yeah, that seems pretty good. Apparently this is the best debut for ABC in that time slot in FOUR years!!! (Of course, we’re talking about ABC here.)
The Bad
- Unforgettable – Forget about it. I couldn’t relate to a character who remembers everything. She just happens to get caught up in a case with an ex-boyfriend. What a convenient twist. I doubt I”ll remember to watch this one again. It seems Unforgettable had the most viewers in its slot with 13.9 million. They better hope these viewers have horrible horrible memories and quickly forget about the pilot.
- Prime Suspect – All I’ve heard are wonderful things about the British version of the series. I wasn’t feeling it here and I only made it about 20 minutes. I’ll likely give this one another chance – at least make it through the pilot before I give up on it completely. Ugh, Prime Suspect was last place in both total viewers (6 million) and in the coveted 18-49 demographic. Not a good start.
The Ugly
- Charlie’s Angels – Yeah, I turned this one off 6 minutes in. It’ll be gone soon. ABC is pretending to be happy with the modest 8.7 million viewers Charlie’s Angels found. Let’s see how they spin the numbers next week.
- 2 Broke Girls – Why are the critics liking this one? It seemed unbelievably forced. I like the cast, but I felt stupider after watching the entire pilot. WOW! 19.2 million viewers for this silly show? I say those amazing numbers are only due to the incredible lead-in from Two and a Half Men (27.7m!). No matter what I say, it still had the biggest audience for a fall comedy premier since 2001… That’s just nuts.
Looking Forward To
- Pan Am - This one premiers tonight and I’m looking forward to it. I’m hoping for Mad Men in the air.
- Terra Nova – It looks like Jurassic Park meets Avatar! I’m so there.
I’m hoping one or two of these shows “stick” so I can follow something new. It’s just incredibly difficult to sit through mediocre tv – The Wire honestly ruined television for me (This will be a recurring theme in this blog). I can say that I’m extremely happy to see Modern Family back! Absolutely hilarious. And, of course, Survivor. I’ve never missed an episode in all these years (yeah, I’m that guy). I’ll likely write an entire article about it some day.
So what is everyone else watching? What am I missing? Am I wrong? (Not likely) I’ll cover cable shows another day – just wanted to talk about network television today since cable shows typically get a little more time to find an audience. Typically.
Sep 21, 2011 Movies
The internet is an amazing thing. A world of information is available at our fingertips. When Al Gore was hard at work inventing the internet (yeah, right) I can only imagine how he (or the rightful young minds who created ARPANET) hoped we would use this amazing technology. I can say, without hesitation, that if I were only allowed to use one website, it would be IMDB.com (or my site, duh)
The Internet Movie Database is an extremely useful tool for extremely lazy people (perfect for me!). It’s full of trivial information that we can live without, yet it satisfies those curiosities that would keep us up at night without an answer. However, it isn’t without its flaws. It still relies on the honesty and integrity of human beings as they submit good, legitimate information. So what does this have to do with me?
Many many years ago we hired an employee that had spent some time in Hollywood. He had good credentials, and he REALLY talked a good game. One of his major bragging points was that he had an IMDB page. Wow, I thought. This guy has a page on IMDB! I loved him (in a masculine non-sexual stalker kind of way). But then a funny thing happened. I started working more closely with him, and I realized what an incompetent hack he really was. It wasn’t the fact that this sham of an employee had infiltrated our ranks that killed me… It was that his having an IMDB page showed a crack in what I thought to be the perfect system! At this point I told a friend that if this talent-less bum could get a page on IMDB, well then… so could I!! And the challenge was on.
Attempting to add myself to IMDB felt like I was hacking into an NSA database. I had to do it just right. Even though the site relied on submissions, these submissions were still audited by real people. So I had to look legit. How could I do it? How could I sneak myself onto my favorite site? I had an idea. If I added myself as an “uncredited” contributor, then there was no way (save for them calling up an actual cast or crew member) they could double check my claim for legitimacy! I had to choose the perfect movie though (it was always going to be a movie – I’m a huge movie guy). It couldn’t be something too big, but it also had to be something people had heard of. I eventually settled on the Jim Carey non-classic, The Cable Guy. And the job I gave myself? (I was particularly proud of this part) Assistant Dialect Coach.
It was perfect! Who could prove that I wasn’t the Assistant Dialect Coach for The Cable Guy? (Perhaps the actual Dialect Coach?) Since I was claiming that my contribution was uncredited, I figured there was no way they could keep me out!
So I submitted it. And then the waiting began. Days passed… nothing. Then weeks… Still nothing. Months passed, and I figured the gig was up. Why did I think this would work anyway? Assistant Dialect Coach… so stupid…. But then, on a whim, I checked again. This must have been 4-6 months later. And what do you know? Bingo: Click Here to see MY IMDB page!
I was thrilled! Not because I had pulled a fast one on my favorite website (I still feel a little guilty over that), but because I had proven that anyone could get on this site! That idiot’s credit no longer meant anything! He was a fake, as was his credit. That’s all I needed… And once again, the world was right.
Since that day, I’ve added legitimate game credits to the page (Geist) and even had a legitimate credit appear without my involvement (MUA2). However, I’ve also had an additional illegitimate credit appear: Brokeback Mountain. I never added that one myself (and no one admitted to it for years). But it leads to a pretty funny story:
When Heath Ledger passed away, it was pretty big news. Really big news actually. SO many stories were written. Reporters were scrambling to find anyone who had known Heath or had worked with him. (Can you guess where this is going?) Well, somehow a resourceful writer from a popular gossip magazine in New York tracked me down (thanks IMDB) because I had acted as an assistant dialect coach on Brokeback (sure I did). Heath really did do a tremendous acting job in that film – something he likely couldn’t have done without a solid team of dialect coaches. SO, there we are (my wife and I) sitting on the couch one night when the phone rings. Christi (my wife) answers, and the caller identifies himself then asks to speak to me about Heath Ledger. At this point we started freaking out. Obviously misrepresenting yourself on a website isn’t illegal (I didn’t even add that one!), but it still felt like someone had dug up my deep dark secret and they were about to reveal it! So we did what any rational person would do… We hung up on him.
At this point we were laughing uncontrollably about what had just happened. Well, that guy was pretty persistent. Only seconds later the phone rang again. This time I answered.
"Hello?"
"Hi there, I'm looking for Tim Schwalk, the film guy."
"Oh... uh... I'm so sorry... yeah, this is Tim Schwalk the game guy...
I'm not the film guy... Sorry... I'm the game guy."
Could I have said anything stupider?!? This is the game guy?? Seriously?!? A guy from a famous magazine tracks me down and all I can think to say is I’m the game guy?? Could I have made myself sound any sillier?! Sigh… And that’s how I missed my chance at fame (at least 15 minutes worth).
None of this changes the way I feel about the Internet Movie Database though. It really is an indispensable tool in my everyday life, and to those who run it I can only say one thing: Please don’t remove my page for revealing this transgression!! PLEASE!! Also, thanks so much for your amazing site. I really am honored to be on it. Even though I think we all know it isn’t that exclusive.
Sep 18, 2011 Politics
I completely missed Monday’s Tea Party debate in Tampa because something really important came up (cough, Monday Night Football, cough cough). BUT, thanks to the wonders of technology and the internet (thanks youtube!), I’ve been able to catch up on exactly what I missed.
I found the entire debate to be immensely entertaining, and I thought the candidates did a solid job of both selling and differentiating themselves. Most were articulate, passionate, and even humorous at times. I’m a big fan of electing Governors for President (since they actually have some real experience at doing a similar job on a smaller scale), and there were three Governors on the stage. I was impressed with each, but more on that later.
So while I was impressed with the passion and candor of the candidates, I was also a bit saddened knowing that the candidate who wins the nomination won’t at all resemble the candidate from this stage. The reason? The GOP Puppet Show – coming soon, to a nation near you!
Let me give you a good example of what I mean: John McCain. Now before you close this window, hear me out. The John McCain that chose to run for president was’t the man who lost the election to Obama. The McCain I’m talking about was an independent thinker who appealed to moderates on both sides of the table. Truly a “maverick”, he was known for crossing the political isle to follow his heart and his head, even when the majority of his party might not agree. He was a longtime politician who didn’t play the political games. He was exactly what we needed exactly when we needed it. So what happened?
Well, the man I described won the Republican nomination… and then the party puppeteer took over. The party puppeteer’s job is to present the candidate (the puppet) in a way that he feels will appeal to as many people as possible, especially within the party. The puppeteer must ensure that the puppet doesn’t offend anyone, especially entire demographics of voters. The puppeteer must also make his puppet look good next to the Democratic nominee, in this case Barack Obama.
The John McCain I saw run for president in 2008 wasn’t the same man I had wanted to vote for. People who “knew better” were pulling the strings and calling the shots. He was no longer John McCain, independent thinker. He became John McCain, recognizable shill for the GOP. Half of his campaign was the puppet show while the other half was the Sarah Palin circus. Maybe together they could have had a successful show in Vegas, but in Washington they only succeeded in losing to man whose only real political experience was running for President!
Am I surprised America chose a charismatic orator over a team of insincere political performers? No, I’m not. I voted for the McCain I remembered, hoping I’d get him back once in office. In the end it didn’t matter (obviously), because the puppet show didn’t work. McCain became that which he hated – a typical Washington politician. I felt bad for him (and for the country), but I couldn’t be surprised by the outcome.
Another example, proven by the passage of time, is a personal hero of mine – Bob Dole. This one sticks with me because his was the first presidential election in which I was eligible to vote, and Bob Dole was my candidate of choice.
The Bob Dole I supported was a sharp, amicable, charismatic leader with experience in spades. Those who knew him loved him, and everyone else was drawn to him. Republicans had seized the House and Senate two years before, and Dole was going to complete the GOP takeover. Enter the Master of Puppets (TM)… The Bob Dole we saw actually RUN for president was old and dull. He was old-fashioned. He was inarticulate. He was unlikable. Contrast him with the Bob Dole AFTER the election – the guy in the Pepsi ads – the guy doing Viagra commercials. Everyone saw the real Bob Dole, and once again they loved him! Of course it was far far too late.
He trudged through his entire campaign without any real strategy. It was like he was following the steps ripped from “Running for President for Dummies”. He used all of the typical Republican strategies and nothing worked. (That other guy is raising taxes!) He was facing a candidate who could brag about a strong economy, and without his trademark wit and without any clear direction in his campaign, it was over long before the vote… All because somebody else was calling the shots. The puppeteer turned Bob Dole into the anti-Clinton, and unfortunately that isn’t what anybody was looking for.
Had Bob Dole been himself in the 1996 election, perhaps we never would have heard of Monica Lewensky.
I have to tell myself that maybe this time will be different. Perhaps we’ll find a better puppeteer? Or perhaps we won’t. In any case, here’s quickly what I thought of the candidates in the debate:
Rick Santorum should drop out of the race. I actually like him, but he doesn’t have enough support to win. There’s a reason CNN put Romney and Perry in the middle of the group while Santorum is waaaay down on the end. Plus he reminds me far too much of actor Aidan Gillen. And I just couldn’t trust his character Tommy Carcetti on The Wire.
Ron Paul is like the crazy relative with no filter that you invite over just to hear what he’s going to say. He’s basically Kramer from Seinfeld. He’ll tell your girlfriend she needs a nose-job when everyone else is just thinking it. Is that a good thing? Well, it’s an entertaining thing, even a refreshing thing, but it certainly won’t get him elected president. And how is it that Ron Paul has so many vocal supporters, but nobody ever votes for him?
Michelle Bachman just seems fake to me. If a news story came out saying she’s actually an early humanoid prototype from Cyberdyne (with prerelease software) I wouldn’t blink an eye. I honestly don’t know why some people are drawn to her. I’m impressed with the way she keeps her cool while under attack, but that’s the only positive I have for her.
Huntsman. Here we go – Governor #1. Jon Huntsman has a really great record. He’s found success where our country is failing, and he says he can do it again. Smart, articulate, and frank. I really like him. I wish he had a shot, but let’s face it. CNN put him on the other end, and we already discussed what that means.
Newt Gingrich will do a good job once appointed to someone else’s cabinet. He has great experience and he’s certainly proven himself in the past. He more than held his own in the debate, but stand him next to Obama and he looks like someone a different generation would have voted for (and did).
Herman Caine is fantastic. I love this guy, but he can’t win. Whoever wins the nomination should choose him to be their vice-president.
And now for the heavy hitters. I believe one of these two guys will be the republican nominee (and they’re both governors!):
I feel Mit Romney had a great debate. He was well spoken and relaxed, plus he looked presidential standing among the rest of the field. There’s a lot to attack within his policies and record, but the other candidates never really tried – at least not to the point where he had to break a sweat. Romney is one of the front runners and did nothing here to change that. I don’t feel he’s very relatable, but he has a very strong presence that I think could steal a lot of the spotlight around Obama when they’re in a room together.
Rick Perry is a great candidate. He’s not as polished as Romney, but here that’s a plus. He’s a passionate guy that people really like. However, I don’t think he did as well in this debate. During the entire mandated immunization discussion he really should have hammered home that there was an easy way parents could opt-out. He admitted that his use of an executive order to mandate these vaccines was wrong, but the clear message that everyone is going to come away with is that he’s forcing little girls to take shots, when that isn’t the whole story. This was just a small part of the debate, but it reflected so poorly on him that he’s going to have to do some additional damage control. Outside of that, I feel he did quite well. He’ll also do well against Obama. The only thing Obama really has going for him at this point is his charisma. Perry has both charisma and a successful record running the government in the nation’s second largest state. Obama has a health care plan whose nickname “Obamacare” has such a negative connotation that he should probably look at renaming it (much like Aspartame is being renamed (again) “AminoSweet“).
Anyway, I have so much more to say but this has already turned ridiculously long. Leave me a comment if you get this far and you’ll get a free cookie (warning, the cookies aren’t free).
Sep 15, 2011 Sports
I consider myself a pretty level-headed guy. I try to put logic and reason above emotion, I think before I act (usually), and I try to make responsible decisions. I’m sometimes impulsive, but with restraint. I’m not easily rattled, and I typically deal well with stress.
BUT, put me in front of the TV when my beloved Denver Broncos are on, and I immediately turn into an impatient child. Here, I’ll offer you proof (though all you really need to do is ask my wife).
TOYS
Yes dear, of COURSE I need a 65″ flatscreen plasma television to watch the game. And I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to experience it without surround sound. Uh, yeah – a subwoofer is critical. Oh, and we need some guys in a van with a ladder to come to our expensive new house and hammer a giant satellite dish onto our roof. Yeah, it’ll be fine. They probably do this all the time. Oh, and I’m going to pay entirely too much money to get an NFL sports package that I can really only enjoy for a six hour block one day a week. Yeah, I’m going to need access to this programming on my tiny cell phone as well – they’ll probably charge more but that’s ok. Oh and I need this specific shirt to wear while I watch the game. It’s exactly like what the players wear! I realize it costs nearly as much as the chair I’m sitting in, but it’s authentic!!
LICENSED UNDERWEAR
Ok, so I don’t have GI Joe underoos, but you can bet I have Denver Broncos boxers! And socks, and a tie, and an entire row of shirts, a handful of jerseys – including an NFL Broncos Baseball Jersey – I have sweatshirts, jackets, a heavy coat (in florida), gloves, hats, visors, posters, autographed cards, water bottles, folding chairs, a watch, wallet, and even a tape measure! (I never realized until now how much our residence would feel like a memorabilia store if it weren’t spread out throughout the house (mostly in the back room where my wife never really ventures)).
TEMPER TANTRUMS
As a Broncos fan, most Sundays go like this:
- WHHOOOO, Go Broncos!!!
- GAH, why can’t we ever score from the redzone?!
- Seriously, Moreno is hurt AGAIN?
- What, no??? BAD CALL!!
- Are you kidding me?!? That was holding?!?!?
- No way NO WAY – That was an illegal block in the back!
- Why can’t we ever stop the run?
- IN-COM-PLETE!
- Seriously, why can’at we STOP the RUN!!!!???
- AAAAAGGH!!!!!
- <Crying>
- I HATE THIS STUPID GAME AND I’LL NEVER WATCH THE BRONCOS AGAIN!!!!
- <Whimpering>
- I bet Tebow would have scored 300 points…
Seriously though, who screams at a TV? I’m not sure kids even do that. Seems like Rain Man may have – although I’m pretty sure he just wanted to make it home for Wapner… And then like all temper tantrums it ends suddenly, our memories are erased, and the pain is eased. What do we do next? Jump on the internet and start reading about next week’s matchup.
PLAY WITH FRIENDS
Football fans above all others know what our primary addiction sometimes becomes. No, it’s not the games. No it’s not the junk food. It’s the fantasy football. It doesn’t matter if we play with friends or strangers. We really just want to play. I’m not sure if we even actually enjoy it – I think we’re just happy that it gives us an excuse to watch every game.
My problem is that I have a deep seeded desire to lose. Why else would I keep drafting Broncos players onto my team?? Perhaps subconsciously I feel it will help that player perform better – they certainly won’t let me down both on the field AND here in my fantasy league. Sigh… The Broncos also contributed to my poor record in our work pickem league last year. Of course, like the blindly devoted fan I am, I chose them to win every week. I’m really trying hard to change… At least they’re going to win this week!
A.D.D.
Seems like all kids these days are diagnosed with ADD (sounds like a topic for a different day). We football fans know how to deal with this problem, and no you don’t need medication. Let’s just say, it isn’t enough for us to have access to every single game, or even to watch up to 6 of them at a time. What we really need is a channel, with no commercials, that jumps from game to game whenever something exciting *might* be about to happen. And with that, I give you – The NFL Redzone Channel. The Redzone Channel is God’s gift to sports fans. Only the most hardcore sports fans will pay hundreds of dollars for access to every live game, and then watch only this one channel for an entire day… with no regrets. It’s amazing.
ATTENTION SPAN
And like all children, my attention span is now drawing me elsewhere. To the Broncos, I say good luck against the Bengals this week. Please stop letting me down. I’ve loved you longer than I’ve loved my wife (I only made the mistake of telling her that once), but all you do is bring me heartache. Still, I’m an obsessive little kid who admires his team. Is that a crime? Of course not… Maybe I’ll grow out of it?
Sep 14, 2011 TV
Seriously, what’s wrong with me? I’m just getting over some crazy allergy plague (I went through an entire box of tissues yesterday), my beautiful early-rising one year old will wake me in 6 short hours, and I have an entire library of amazing DVD and Bluray choices to entertain me – not to mention all of the video games! But here I am (again), watching Everwood.
My love affair with Everwood started innocently enough. High definition television was in its infancy, and I was (of course) an early adopter. Desperate for any and all HD programming available (I’ve never watched so much PBS), I stumbled upon what appeared to be a pre-teen soap on the WB Network (R.I.P.), named Everwood. I couldn’t help but watch. Original HD programming, filmed in the Rocky Mountains. I was mesmerized. And then I just happened to find myself planted in front of the TV (shocker) at the same time the next week, watching the next episode. I really was shocked. Sure it was beautiful — it centers on a Colorado town (though it was filmed in Utah) — but it was the show that captivated me. It was the characters. The stories. The writing, oh yes, the writing. Its detractors say it could be a bit sappy, but the writing really was top-notch!
And speaking of these sap hating detractors who obviously never saw the show. Many wrote it off as just another cute family drama. Well, this cute family drama stood alone. This is a show where characters didn’t always make the right decisions. This is a show where there were true consequences for actions. This is a show where you cheered for the characters to achieve greatness, and it broke your heart when they failed. This is a show that tackled real family issues that most families weren’t even talking about. A show that walked the line between light hearted comedy, and dramatic melodrama. But it walked it pefectly.
Let me present you with Exhibit A on how Everwood wasn’t a typical family drama. In 2004, the Parent’s Television Council actually named Everwood the #1 WORST show for families. Seriously. Here’s the blurb:
"The conservative family watchdog group Parents Television Council
has named the WB drama Everwood the worst TV show for family viewing.
Runners-up include Fox's That '70s Show, NBC's Fear Factor and
CBS's Cold Case."
That’s right. Everwood is more dangerous for your children than a 70′s comedy where the characters routinely sit in a circle and smoke pot. Interesting. They basically deemed the show dangerous because it more closely resembled real life than the perfect family cliche’ of the week they wanted to reward.
"With its Norman Rockwell-style opening and small town sensibility,
Everwood gives every appearance of being a family drama,
but it's nothing of the kind."
I couldn’t disagree more. It’s the family drama that families should be watching. Maybe it’s the pretty HD picture that drew me in, but it was Andy, Ephram, Delia, Amy, Bright, Hannah, and the rest that held me there. I DARE you to watch season one and not fall in love with these characters… with this town. I DARE YOU!
There are very few shows that I’ve actually joined the campaign to save. (3 in fact) Everwood was the first (followed by Veronica Mars and Rubicon). I’ll likely never forgive Dawn Ostroff (entertainment director of the stupid CW) for cancelling two of those three.
It’s rare to find a show that strikes such a chord… especially with me. I end up hating most television shows (typically because none can match The Wire in quality), but I digress… And this leaves me where I started. Here it is nearly midnight on the east coast… and I’m watching Everwood… and ironically, it isn’t even in HD.
Do yourself a favor and check out season 1 on DVD! Buy it, rent it, borrow it – just watch it! Also, the 2nd link is for the most mesmerizing song I’ve ever heard. (Cathedrals by Jump Little Children – the Amazon sample doesn’t come close to doing it justice) It’s used to amazing effect in the stellar season 1 Everwood finale (barely beats out the 24 Season One Finale – yeah I said it)
Sep 13, 2011 Family, Movies
WOW, two posts in the same day! I must not be bored of this yet (it’s still day one).
My wife and I just watched a movie that my cousin had a hand in making! And no I’m not making this up so you’ll like me (although I wouldn’t put it past me). The movie is 
Fair Game, and it stars Naomi Watts and Sean Penn. It tells the true story of a CIA operative whose identity is leaked by the US government.
It’s a well made political thriller with a very solid cast. My only complaint is that it’s a bit too pushy with its wing-nut political extremism. I’m not sure why I would expect anything less from Sean “I’m certifiable” Penn, but it does distract from the well put together film. The cast is great – even though Penn is crazy, he’s also a crazy good actor (with an emphasis on crazy). Directed by Go (watch it!) and Bourne Identity director Doug Liman, it’s an intelligent film made even more intriguing because it’s been ”ripped from the headlines” (Insert Law and Order DUH DUH).
I give it a 6.5 / 10 (You’ll learn that I’m an extremely harsh critic)
I bring it up because my cousin worked in the editorial (digital lab) department! Very
cool stuff!! I like to think I gave him his start waaay back when:
When we were kids we made a LOT of movies at my “Mamaw’s” house in Texas. We’re best known for our amazing “Indiana Mark” series, but we’ve also been known to push the envelope with films such as “The Perryton Massacre”. One of these days I’ll post one up here so you can all see where my cousin got his start. Anyway, I’m not sure he’d want me sharing his name, but I’m sure proud of you cuz!!
Sep 13, 2011 Me
So here I am making my first of many (or very very few) blog posts at this amazing new (I’ve had the domain for years) blog site. I find it odd that I should probably introduce myself here, even though I already wrote a completely separate About Me page that you can access from the menu (or click on the handy link early in this sentence).
SO, assuming you haven’t read ahead (cheater!) I’ll go ahead and introduce myself:
My name is Tim Schwalk and I’m a producer/director at a game development studio in Florida. I find it odd that I’m giving you my real, full name here. I’ve always been so careful with personal information on the web. But really, who am I kidding? Simply googling (that’s a real verb, right?) my name will give you more information than you could ever need about me (mostly because you really don’t need any – except you stalkers out there).
I’ve had this domain (timschwalk.com) for years and years and have never done anything with it. My first thought was to sit on that domain and put this blog up at timthegreat.com (which I’ve also been sitting on). However, I’ve been told that using timthegreat.com might make me seem a bit full of myself which isn’t the intention. It’s just a fun domain! I used to have TimTheRulerOfTheWorld.com (seriously). In fact, I once applied for a job (and was hired) with my email address listed on my resume as TimTheRulerOfTheWorld@TimTheRulerOfTheWorld.com – months after being hired, my boss told me that he didn’t feel my address was very professional and that I should do something simpler in the future… hence, timschwalk.com – BORING!
The honest reason I registered TimTheRulerOfTheWorld.com was to show up the guy who had previously registered TimTheGreat – and I suppose it worked because now I have it!! Where are you now previously great Tim??? WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!
I used to run a movie themed review website and podcast at mastercritic.com (don’t bother, it’s been dead for a couple years). We really had a great time doing it, and I’d love to resurrect it at some point. It’s just difficult to find the time these days.
Speaking of what’s eating up my time (besides that video game thing), I have a ONE year old daughter!! She’s beautiful and amazing!! (Thankfully she takes after her mother).
Anyway, enough about me on this blog about me… leave me a note. Ask me a question! L8er
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